Unspoken
by Lexxiie1122
Summary: A girl with an alcoholic mother, a cheating father, and an eating disorder has to face the challenges of everyday life. But when big challenges come, will she be able to face them? NOTE: I know this has nothing to do with Twilight, but you might like it.
1. Chapter 1

_**Prologue**_

_**Once upon a time, there was this magical kingdom, in the state of New York. There was a beautiful prince named Jessie. Oh, and the princess that would be me. My name is Hayden Anderson. I have beautiful long brown hair, with a great tan and no problems at all. And yes! Me and the prince, we are together. The prince and princess of Oswego New York. I love my life.**_

_**I'm just kidding. Yes, my name is Hayden Nicole Anderson and I am 17 years old but I am anything but beautiful. I'm not ugly, but I am not beautiful either. My hair is brown, but not that great. And I am very pale. Oh and the "prince" Jessie he isn't mine. He would never even think of being mine. He has the "love" of his life. Her name is Tiffany Cushman. She is rich, beautiful and everyone loves her, including the guys. Me, I have one friend. Her name is Amber Brown. We tell each other everything. Even though nobody really knows we exist, we are happy. Well, she is. Remember the thing about how I have no problems? Well I do. My mother is an alcoholic. See my dad, he isn't a great guy he cheats on my mom every night with a different girl. He is never really home, "Oh I will see you later, big presentation!" Or some stupid excuse, but everyone knows what he is heading out to do. And so, my mom's reaction is to grab the biggest bottle of wine on the fridge. My sister Lilly Anderson who is 14 years old, may be younger than me, but has the better life. She has all the boys on her tail, and everyone wants to be her friend. She has gorgeous blonde hair and a great little figure. She is basically everything I'm not. Oh yes, and about me. I have an eating disorder, I am anorexic and bulimic. **_

_**Chapter 1**_

"_Hayden! Get you're ass down here!" I was instantly woken up by the screeching of my mother. I looked at the clock and it was only 4:30 in the morning. Oh yea! My dad left again! _I flew out of my bed and wrapped my blanket around me looking in the mirror quickly at the bruise on my back that "accidentally" happened last time my dad left. Or so my mom say's it was an accident. _"Im so sorry honey the bottle slipped out of my hand!" _I swung around the stair case and stopped to see what kind of mood she was in tonight. She was sitting in front of the trash can with her head in her hands, sobbing. The floor board squeaked and she looked up at me. She ran over to me flailing her arms wildly. She was in a crazy kind of mood, definitely. She grabbed my arms and threw me to the floor near the trash can. I didn't dare fight against her.

"WHAT IS THIS!?" She yelled pointing into the trash can. I could smell the whisky on her breath, I wonder how long ago my dad left to get her this wasted.

"It's the-" I was cut off,

"The what Hayden!? Answer Me!" I looked down,

"It's just the trash mom, I don't know what you want me to do, it's just the trash mom, please." I began crying into the palms of my hands. She lifted her arm and something hard hit the side of my head, I think it was the empty whisky bottle. I fell straight to the floor, my eyes began to blur. I rolled on my stomach and put my arms around my head trying to protect it,

"I'm sorry mom," She didn't listen,

"Didn't I tell you to take the trash out this afternoon!?" I didn't remember her asking but I agreed trying not to make her any more angry. She hit me again, this time on my side. I could hear her digging through the trash. Then open the cupboard and through a plate on the kitchen table,

"So this is what you had for dinner?" She asked, I looked up into her demented eyes, they scared me. At any moment I thought she would end my life with no regrets, no worries in her mind.

"Yes, I think so." I whispered.

She came closer to me, "What was that Hayden? You've got to speak up!" She whispered in my ear.

I looked to the ground again, "Yes, It's mine!" I almost was screaming but I caught myself.

I prayed to god that she didn't notice it. She hit my head again. She noticed. She grabbed my arm and pulled me to the kitchen chair. She ran back into the kitchen to look for a fork. I sat there and cried into the 11 hour old half a slice of pork covered in spit, bubble gum and whatever else was thrown in there.

She came back and threw the fork down on the table, "Well! This will teach you a lesson to listen when I tell you to do something! You are going to eat that! And you will NOT leave this table until it is eaten!" She began to walk upstairs, pleased with herself.

"What about school?" I asked the dirty slab of pork on my plate.

She cocked her head up, "Well I guess it will be there for you when you get home. Won't it?" She walked up stairs. I waited to cry until I knew she wasn't listening, she would just come right back down stairs. Finally the door slammed. I clenched my fist's so tight that I could tell there would be marks tomorrow. I was crying so much that I couldn't breathe. I started coughing, then stopped when I heard a door from upstairs open. I whipped my face quickly and put the fork in my hand. Then I heard someone walking down the stairs. I stared at the pork hoping it wasn't my mother. Somebody grabbed me and I flinched.

"It's okay. Shh, it's okay." It was my sister holding me tightly as I shook in her arms and cried. Lilly never got what I did, she got a simple slap on the hand. I never knew why. But I was happy that she didn't get hit like me.

Once I finally stopped crying I looked at the food on my plate, "Im not eating that!" I said shaking my head at the molding pork.

"What was the reason tonight?" Lilly knew the routine too, and she always came downstairs after to comfort me.

"I didn't take out the trash." My eyes started tearing up but I held it back, "I hate her! I wish she were dead! I wish that she would just kick me out of the house and be done with it!"

Lilly hugged me, "Well you can't leave me here!" She said sarcastically, "You are so selfish!" I laughed. We talked for a little bit more and then she finally went back upstairs to get ready for school. Lilly brought me my clothes. I didn't dare leave that spot, who knew what would happen if I did. I put on makeup to cover the fresh bruises and walked out of the house with a smile on my face. I waved to Amber at the end of my drive way, she always waited for me. She saw that my eyes were still red from crying, "What's wrong?" She asked looking at me with concerned eyes. Remember how I said we tell each other everything, well this is one thing I don't tell her about.

She doesn't know I have an eating disorder either, "My dad just left again." That was my excuse every morning.

She stepped in front of me and stopped me from walking, "I'm sorry!" She said giving me a hug.

I pushed her off, I didn't want to break down in front of her, "It's okay, I'm used to it."

"Well if you ever need any where to crash for the night, Im just three houses down." She pointed at her mustard yellow house.

"I know, I know, you say this every other day!" I chuckled a little but was cut off by a pain in my side. I stopped dead in my track remembering my mom hitting me in my side. I fell to the ground crying into the gravel. Amber instantly was at my side, "What's wrong!?" She was in panic.

I shot up and wiped my face, "It's okay, I just umm, I just ran into the counter last night. I guess it serves me right for running into the kitchen." She knew I was lying. I could tell. She kept looking me over up and down, side to side. She kept looking at my face, looking for any signs of pain. There were a couple times when I collapsed that I as called down to guidance, I gave them the same lame story and they let me go. I always knew that it was her who told them. I wondered if she was going to tell them today.

I reached my locker and she looked at me one last time, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes Amber! I am fine! It just stings a little. You know me, clumsy!" I looked at her, I could tell the worry was washing away from her face, "Go to class I will be fine." She nodded and walked away. I loved this part of the day because I didn't have to pretend anymore, I could wipe that phony smile off my face and be miserable, feel the way I wanted to feel, not the way Amber wanted me to feel. I grabbed my books and turned around to go to my class and accidentally ran into Tiffany hand in hand with Jessie around them were their followers.

Tiffany turned around and glared at me, "Move it fat ass! You're like taking up all of the hallway!" Jessie started laughing and so did everyone else who was in the hall way.

Tears started running down my face, "Oh poor baby!" Tiffany cooed as she walked away. Jessie looked back once and shock his head back and fourth at me. I looked around at everyone staring and laughing at me. I turned around and ran into the bathroom. I sat on the floor next to the toilet. _Fat ass! You're so fat Hayden!_ That was the only thing my mind would let me think. I picked up my pencil and shoved I down my throat, finally, I started throwing up and I was relieved, I felt better. I felt….Skinny.

* * *

I walked home with Amber, I couldn't hear anything she was saying all I could think of was the rotting pork that was left for me to eat at home. Its not like I would eat it in the first place, but I had to, unless I wanted a re-play of last night. I prayed that she was sober this morning and put the pork back in the trash. I prayed that maybe she wasn't home and I could throw it in the woods, that maybe the animals would get to it before she went back there to get fire wood. Once I got to the house Amber and I said our good byes, she went in her house, but I didn't go into mine. I stood on the side walk staring at the house, looking in the windows. Maybe I could take Amber's offer and just go there now, but she would show up there she would call the cops, she would… beat me.

Lilly grabbed my arm and hugged it, "It will be okay, I will be there. She won't do anything if I am there." She tried to reassure me. It never worked. We both took in a deep breath and walked toward the hell house. We walked in and it was quiet, no yelling, no screaming, no nothing. We looked at each other shocked. We started walking around the house, nothing. So I went upstairs to my room, I wasn't even thinking about the rotting food waiting for me in the kitchen.

I got to my door and heard a gasp from across the hall, my mother's room, "Honey I-"

I cut her off, she was sober, no need to be cautious, "I know, You're sorry." I refused to look at her.

"Honey, please you need to know I never meant to hurt you! It was an -"

"A what mom?! Were you going to say an accident!? Really It was an accident when you hit me in the head repeatedly with your 'medicine?' It was an accident when you woke me up at four in the morning!? It was an accident when you dug that thing out of the trash and out it on my plate?!"

"Please baby. I'm sorry! I threw it away for you!"

"Sorry isn't going to fix what you did, or what you will do tonight or the next night!" I didn't want to listen to her anymore, I went in my room and slammed the door. She tried to talk through the door so I put on my I pod and fell asleep.

* * *

"Wake up! Dinner is ready, wake up!" My dad was shaking me, I tried so hard to ignore him. Sleeping was my sanctuary, the only place where I can get away from the madness, away from the pain. Sometimes I wish I were, dead.

"Dad?" I asked wondering if he really did decide to come home.

"Yea sweetie. It's me."

I shot up, "Oh! You finally decided we were good enough to come home to?!" I got out of bed and began looking around in my dresser.

"You know it's not like that!" He tried to stick up for himself, but it never worked.

"Really dad, when mom's not good enough for you, you, just go out and find another little slut you can get with!"

He grabbed my arms, "Look at me! You don't use that language!" He saw the new bruise on my face, "When did she do that?" He asked tracing the bruise on my face.

"Last night." I looked down, "After you left." I said under my breathe.

"You can't blame this on me! You're moth- you're mother is crazy!" He let me go to finish digging through my dresser.

I sighed, "I need to get dressed." He left and I fell on my bed and began to cry again. _You are such a baby Hayden! Get up and face the world like everybody else! You are such a wimp!_ I put my face in my pillow and wiped my cheeks on it. I went back to my dresser and changed out of my school clothes, into some sweats and a t - shirt. I got to the top of the stairs and heard one of Lilly's friends downstairs. I ran back in my room and put on my make up. My make up was like the key to my other life. It always hides the things I don't want people to know.

I got downstairs and sat down next to Lilly, "How was soccer practice?" I asked putting salad in my bowl. I didn't put any dressing in it though. It would just sting my throat coming back up. Everyone finally sat down at the table and my parents tried to act happy, there was a kiss now and then, but the look on my dad's face after, made me want to yell at him, tell him the way he is treating her is wrong. Tell him to leave if it tortured him so much to be around his family. But I didn't have the nerve, not in front of company.

"So.. How have things been?" My dad looked at me with a smile. The fakest smile I've ever seen.

"Like you would know!" I mumbled under my breath. He didn't like that, his face turned bright red. He was about to blow.

He shot up out of his chair, "God damnit Hayden! I'm trying to have a nice meal here! And you are ruining it! Can't you just sit there and be quiet!?" Lilly whispered in her friends ear and they quickly but quietly left the house. I just sat there and stared into my bowl of salad and began playing with the lettuce, there was some more screaming but I couldn't make it out, I wasn't trying to make it out. When I looked up from my bowl My dad was leaving, my mom tried to stop him. Pulling on his arm, screaming and begging him not to leave. He put on his coat, grabbed his keys, and slammed the door behind him. I still sat in my chair. So did my mom, she put her head in her hands and began to cry, then she rubbed her face and got up. She looked right at me, glaring.

She ran over to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest whisky bottle there was, "Go to BED!" She ran at me. I shot up and ran up the stairs and into my room and locked the door. I moved my dresser so she couldn't get in. All night she was hitting the door and screaming into it. My phone rang, and it was a private number, so I answered.

"Hello sweetie!" It was my mom, I was glad I couldn't see her demented eyes tonight. I didn't say anything, I just listened, "Im going to get you!" She kept chanting it over and over. I hung up the phone and threw it at the wall, it shattered.

Bang, bang, bang, "If you're phone is broken you are in big trouble!" She kicked the door, "God damnit Hayden! I think you broke my toe!" I chuckled a little but stopped before she could hear me. She walked away mumbling under her breath. I knew the madness was over for the night. I kept my dresser in front of my door, incase she wanted another round. I put on my I - pod, I didn't want to hear her drunk screaming during the night. I sat there and stared at my ceiling, crying.

Every once in a while I would check to see if she was still awake and screaming out the window. Once she was asleep, I tip toed out of my bed and quietly moved my dresser away from my door. I don't know why I was being quiet though, there was no waking up the drunk if she passed out. I moved quietly toward the bathroom and heard a noise, I instantly froze.

I turned around very slow to see it was Lilly standing in her door, "It's okay. I'm not mom." She whispered putting her hands in the air like she was surrendering to me.

"Oh!" I whispered putting my hand on my heart, "You scared the shit out of my Lilly! When did you get home?"

She looked at me with sorry eyes, "I know, I didn't mean to. I just snuck in my window. I thought you were mom, I was coming to protect you!" She whispered laughing and flexing, "What are you doing anyway?"

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Oh, okay, well, good night!" She said blowing a kiss at me.

"Night Lilly, Love you!" I caught the kiss and put it in my pocket laughing. She walked into her room and I could hear her closing her window. I laughed, If only I were as adventurous as she was. I knew that if I even dared being that adventurous there would be a major consequence. I slid into the bathroom and stood in front of the toilet, wishing I weren't living, wishing I wasn't even brought up in this world. I stuck my finger down my throat and gagged. It didn't work, I stuck it down my throat farther. I felt better, watching all of that fatty food coming out of my system. I felt beautiful, I felt like maybe, just maybe I would be appreciated, by my mom, dad and maybe even, Jessie.

The next morning I felt way better. It was Saturday, the only thing I didn't like about Saturdays was when my mom found an excuse to drink her precious alcohol. I looked over at my door to see that my dresser was still there. Good! I didn't have to check for any marks she made while I was sleeping. I heard someone outside of my door and feared it was my mom. Then a note slid under the door. I smiled, I knew it was Lilly she always does things like this the night after battles between my mother. I got up and swiftly moved toward my door. It was folded hamburger style. I opened it,

**_Dear Hayden,_**

**_I hope you have a better day today! Hey! It's Saturday put a smile on… Go to Amber's and spend the night, get away from all this nonsense. Oh by the way… Were you sick last night I heard you throwing up, I hope you feel better. Maybe you caught "the sick of my mom flu!" Lol. Well I Love You Hayden!_**

**_You're adoring Sister, Lilly_**

I loved her letters in the morning, they made me feel like everything was going to be okay. And for a while they made me forget about my mom, dad, and school. I go dressed quickly and moved my dresser. I ran downstairs and heard bacon sizzling on the stove, I stopped and took a deep breath, I knew it was mom. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed an apple. I was planning on leaving the kitchen right after, before she could see me, "Hey sweetie!" I was too late. I didn't turn to look at her,

"I don't want you're apologizes."

"But honey, It was a mistake, I didn't-"

"You didn't what!? God you say this every morning! Just… Just leave me alone!" I ran out of the kitchen and out the front door. I collapsed on the porch and cried into my arm. I loved my mom, but I didn't love who she became over night, the demented monster that didn't care about what she said or who she hurt. She didn't care about anything, nothing. I heard footsteps coming closer to me. I quickly wiped the tears off of my face, and looked up, it was Amber. She came stomping over to my house, she looked mad. I didn't want to deal with this right now.

I looked away at the sun in the sky, "Hey." She sounded angry. I wanted to just stand up and walk away, thing is I don't know were I would go, there was no where to go when Amber was like this. I wish she knew so that she wouldn't bring this shit to me.

I smiled, "What happened?" I didn't give her the usual smile that I used to cheer her up.

She tilted her head and began to talk slow like she was confused, "Ryan! He is such a jerk!"

"What did he do?"

"He said he was going to break up with me because-" I zoned out and began thinking to myself._ Why doesn't she just get over that jerk already it's a new thing everyday! I really wish I could tell her about me. _

"-You know what I mean? Hayden?"

I snapped out of my daze, "Huh…" She looked pissed, "Oh yea, I understand." She looked down again and started talking. I wanted to just get up and run, as fast and as far as I could, to… wherever it didn't matter. "Hey, my parents said I could bring you to Myrtle Beach with me over spring break, you want to come?"

I snapped out of it, I didn't hear the words Ryan, "What?" I shock my head and looked up.

"Do you want to come? To Myrtle Beach?"

"Umm, yea sure," I looked at my door, I saw my mom walk by. I'm sure she was listening, making sure Amber didn't know about our "secret." I rolled my eyes and looked back at Amber. "Shit!"

"What?"

"My mother, I have to ask her, and… I don't think she will let me come."

Amber looked really upset, "Well… I will just have to pack you in my suitcase," She looked up and started counting on her fingers, "Anyway, Spring break isn't for another… month. She will have time to think about it."

I shook my head, "Yea, maybe." Thing is she didn't know my mother, she didn't know how crazy she was when she was drunk, which was usually everyday, unless god wanted to give me a break.

"Well I have to go," I thought for a minute, then pointed at the door, "I have to go do some chores."

She nodded, "Well, talk to you're mom about it. Promise?"

I smiled, "Yes ankle promise!" We locked our ankles before we parted ways.

I knew I didn't want to be in my house to listen to my mom apologizes that wouldn't mean anything tonight, but I had no where to go. I walked inside and there was my mom, sitting in the living room watching her cooking shows. It made me so mad that she would always act like there was nothing wrong. After she got all of her apologizes out she acted like me and her where best friends, and that I forgave her, even though she knew I didn't.

My mom must have heard me, she turned her self on the couch so she was facing my direction, "Hey do you want to go-" I blocked her out and walked upstairs. I slammed my door shut, locked it and then threw myself on my bed, the floor boards creaked under it. I wanted to actually go to school today. I wanted today to be Friday at least, I could never have a good day. I sat on my bed for an hour staring out my window and then I thought about how Lilly always snuck out her window and never got caught. I climbed out of bed and headed toward my window. I looked around to see where I could land. Luckily for me, there was a tree in my backyard, and it was right next to my window. I reached out and touched the tree, I pulled on it a little to see if it was sturdy enough to hold me. It was. I pulled away from my window and dug around in my closet for some old tennis shoes and a coat. I ran over to my door and locked it. I looked in the mirror once and smiled. This was the most excitement I have had in a while. When I swung my legs over my window I got a little nervous. _What if mom catches me? Or what if she suspects something and is waiting for me down there? What if I fall out of the tree. _I shook those thoughts out of my head, and replaced the with positive thoughts. _It's fine Hayden, how would mom know if you were sneaking out you're window any way? I mean you never do it any way, and why would you fall out of the tree, you are strong, you can do it._ I looked down from my window. It really wasn't that far of a fall any way. Then I looked over to the tree, "You will be fine, nothing will happen, just do it!" I mumbled to myself, trying to give myself a confidence boost. Finally with my right hand I grabbed on to one of the thickest branches, I swung my right leg over and latched it on to the trunk of the tree, and then my left one. I was still hold on to my window with my left hand. I took in a deep breath, closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes, my whole body as hanging on to the massive tree for dear life. I slowly shimmied down the trunk and finally, my feet touched the ground. I smiled and got on my knees, "Thank you!" I whispered into the sky. I got up and looked around. Now that I got out, I didn't know where to go or what to do. I looked into the woods over our fence and thought about the tree house my dad had made for Lilly and I when our family was happy together. It must be torn down by now, but that is where I wanted to go. I zipped up my jacket. I looked into the kitchen window and no one was there, so I ran to the fence and jumped over it faster than I thought I could. But once I got over the fence, there was no stopping me. I bolted for the old tree house.

* * *

I looked up at the tree, and there it was, our beautiful worn out pink tree house. I looked around the tree to see if the steps were still nailed to the tree. I walked around it twice, the steps were gone. I laid under the tree so that I could see the tree house, but I could still see the sky. I was cold. The snow had just melted so it was cold, and wet. I didn't care though.

_**"I love you Lilly!" I hugged my sister. **_

_** "I love you to Hayden." My dad came up from behind us and tickled us, "I'm gonna get you!" He chased us around the tree house. Lilly grabbed the paint brush and painted a thick layer of paint on the back of my dad's work dad grabbed Lilly and started tickling her, we were all laughing. **_

_** "Hey! I've got lunch for you! Bring down the carrier thing!" All three of us looked out the small cut out window. It was my mom, with her famous tuna sandwiches that we all loved. My dad grabbed a basket, and tied it to a string. He lowered it down and my mom carefully set the sandwiches and juice boxes in. She saluted my dad and he began to pull them up. Lilly and I waited eagerly for our lunch. **_

_**We all started eating, "Hey! Don't start without me." My mom was just coming in through the hole my dad cut in the floor for our door. I grabbed my sandwich and took a huge bite out of it, looked at my mom and smiled. We all started laughing. **_

_** "Mom, dad, Lilly! I have an announcement to make!" They waited eagerly. "I love all of you!" My mom tickled me and I sat down. Lilly gave me a huge hug.**_

I was woken up from my memories by a piece of paper that kept floating my me in the wind. I grabbed it. It was a note or something. I flipped it over to were the sloppy hand writing was and laughed.

**_This tree house belong to : Hayden, Lilly, John(DAD), Lizzie(MOM). And that is final! You can not come in unless you know the password! _**

**_Love, Us _**

Lilly and I, wrote this the day we finished the tree house, and pinned it on one of the steps. I sat up and bent my knees so that I could rest my head on them. I looked around and saw the paint cans that we used, Lilly's baby dolls, and my teddy bear that I lost five years ago, Mr. Fluff. I couldn't believe it was him. I stood up and ran over to the branches he was tuck in, I pulled him out and gave him the biggest and strongest hug. Sure it was just an old teddy bear, but that teddy bear is the only real memory have of what our family used to be. Of what I wanted it to be again. I let go of my squeeze on Mr. Fluff and looked at him, he was very dirty, but I didn't care. I tucked him inside of my jacket and headed for home.

* * *

I got into my backyard, and saw my mom looking out the window, it looked like she looking directly at me. My heart fell into my stomach as I stared into her eyes. I just stood there shocked. I couldn't move, it was like my feet were glued to the little patch of grass that we did have. She looked away and walked away stumbling over her feet. She was drunk, she wouldn't have seen me. I quickly pulled my feet away from the grass and climbed up the humongous tree. I got back into my room quicker than I thought I would. I closed my window and moved my dresser in front of my door. I made sure it was placed good. I sat on my bed and heard my mom tripping over her feet to try to get upstairs. I through myself down on my bed.

Then heard a knock on the door, "Hayden, sweetie. Please move that silly dresser." I didn't answer and she got angry, "Hayden! Open the damn door!" I grabbed Mr. Fluff from the safety of my jacket and hugged him tight.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I woke up the next day with Mr. Fluff in my arms. I breathed in his scent of the woods, and smiled. Thinking about how I wanted so badly to be that happy little girl again, with her adoring mother and father. I heard a bang and it made me jump out of my bed, "Shit!" It was my mom. I looked at the clock it was 5:26 pm. I slept through the whole day. I moved my dresser and opened my door. She had fallen down the stairs. My first instinct was to just leave her there. But she was my mom, and no matter what she did to me, I still loved her. I rushed to her side, "What happened?"

"I-I Don't know, I just was-" She looked up and saw it was me and not Lilly, "Oh, so where the hell have you been all day?" She grabbed my wrist and squeezed hard.

"Ow, mom. Stop! That hurts!" She held on tighter, "Good," She smirked, "Maybe you won't forget about me anymore, you will come and say good morning, and eat breakfast with me. Not even you're father does that." She let go and pushed me to the side of the railing, "Got it?"

I looked away from her, "Yes. You want me to be here, you don't want me to be like him."

She grabbed my wrist again, "Like who Hayden? He is still your father!"

"Like dad!" I screamed at her. She let go and I ran into Lilly's room. She was sitting on her bed with her head phones on.

She threw them off of her head and rushed over to me with arms wide open, "Shh, shh, shh, It's okay. I'm here." She cooed to me. I sat in her arms, she rocked me back and forth. I wish that I was 18. I wish that I was old enough to pack my things, and leave. But even when I am 18, I would be too scared to leave. To leave Lilly fending for herself. For all I know when I am gone, she will turn on Lilly. And Lilly won't have anyone to run to, anyone to hold her and say it will all be okay even though she knows it won't be. That night I stayed in her room. My mom was fired up and she knows better than to do anything to me or herself around Lilly. She thinks that Lilly doesn't know, that Lilly still looks up to her. She lives in a lie. "Lilly?" She looked up from her pillow.

"Hmm?"

"I went to the old tree house today."

"Oh really? Is it even still there?" She sat up all the way curious. "Well, yea. Some of it is." I said smiling, "I found Mr. Fluff, and your old baby, Carly?"

She laughed, "Yea. That is so funny. You should have told me you were going, I would have tagged along."

"Yea, I know, but, it was something, I-I had to do for myself." I looked up to see if she understood.

She nodded, "Yea, yea, I understand."

I looked down at my toes on the cold wood floor, "I just thought, that maybe, I could found out, what went wrong." I looked at her face, she looked worried. There was a long pause and then the question that came out of her mouth, the one that she always asks but I always got around.

"Hey, are you feeling okay?" She asked feeling my forehead, "You haven't been eating for like 3 days, and you were throwing up in the bathroom." She looked at me concerned. I got up and went over to her photo book like I didn't know it was there.

I grabbed it and opened to a picture of me and her in the tree house, "Wow!" I said pointing at it, "This is old! Where did you find it?" I looked up and could tell Lilly wasn't having any of it. She got up and walked over to me.

She grabbed the photo book out of my hands and slammed it shut, "Seriously?" She walked away and sat in her computer chair, "Are you sick?" She made sure there was emphasize on the word sick.

I looked at her and answered back the only way I knew how, "Are you kidding me! I am not sick! And I _have_ been eating! Just leave me alone!" I walked out of her room and slammed the door. I put my back on her door and slid down to the floor. I put my hands on my face, and quietly cried into them. I just ruined it. The only one person in this world that I loved and wanted to talk to, probably never wanted to talk to me again. And all because I am stupid, and I do stupid things, and I lie to try and cover them up, when really I shouldn't even be doing it in the first place. I heard the floor boards squeak behind the door. I knew it was Lilly, confused at what just happened. She was debating whether or not to come out and talk to me. I heard the squeak of her bed, she decided not to.

* * *

I gathered myself together and walked into my room, trying to be as quiet as I could. I looked down the stairs, my mom was still there. Passed out, I tried to be extremely quiet. I got into my room, changed my clothes and brushed out my hair. I looked at my self in the mirror and shook my head. Disgusted with myself. I cuddled up next to Mr. Fluff and tried to fall asleep. It didn't work, I couldn't get to sleep. I had to much on my mind. At least I had school tomorrow, I didn't have to think of an explanation for Lilly just yet. I turned on my side and looked out my window. I wanted to sneak out. I couldn't fall asleep, so instead I practice my song for choir in my head. We were singing an old Beatles song. I stayed up for at least another hour and a half, until I eventually dosed off.

* * *

The next morning I was late for school. Lilly was already gone, and my mother was still passed out on the staircase. I threw on a skirt and a green halter top, brushed out my hair and ran to school. With every step that I took, I could still feel the sting of the mark my mother left a couple of nights ago. But I couldn't stop running. I had to get to school. Today was mid terms. I ran to my locker and got a pencil and pen. When I got to the gym the mid terms had already started, I was too late. I couldn't take them. I had to wait another couple of months, and not graduate with my class. I decided to give it a try. I walked into the gym, trying to ignore all of the people starring at me. But there was one face in particular, that I couldn't look away from. It was Jesse. He looked up from his test and looked at me, all out of breath. His beautiful green eyes piercing into me. He shook his head back and forth. I starred at him curious as to what that meant. Was he disappointed that I came, was he making fun of me? I couldn't think of anything. The only thought that came to my head that would make sense, was the one I was trying to ignore. Was he disappointed that I didn't make it on time? That I wouldn't graduate with him?

"Miss Anderson?!" My math teacher Mrs. Larkin was standing in front of me, trying to whisper. She broke our gaze.

I looked up at her, "I know I am late, but please! Could I just please take the test! I have some problems going on at home, and-"

She didn't care, "I am sorry, you were late, you will have to take it in a couple of months." She motioned to the door, "Please make your way out of the gym, you are distracting everyone." I looked around at all of the people starring at me. I looked at Jesse one more time, and it looked like he mouthed the words, _I'm sorry._ He couldn't have though. I must have been hallucinating. I was tired. I turned my back to Mrs. Larkin and left quietly. I paced back and forth outside of the closed gym door. _Should I wait for him? Ask him what his problem is?_ I sighed. _Why would he be so mean into tricking me like that? He knows exactly what he is doing!_ Finally I heard Mrs. Larkin get on the microphone to tell everyone to put their pencils down. It was too late now to leave, he would see me. So I waited near the door.

He walked out, "Hey! Jessie?!" I called after him. This time he didn't even look. He was with Tiffany, she looked at me and rolled her eyes, disgusted that I would even think of calling him over. She glared at me then she came to a stop. She grabbed Jessie by the back of the neck and pulled him into her. She kissed him, for a long time. After a couple of seconds, Jessie pushed her off.

He looked mad, "Stop it." He said in a firm voice. Tiffany gasped, and stared at him as he walked in front of her. She stood there for a couple of minutes, saying something under her breath. Then she ran up behind him and followed him out the door. Nobody had to attend classes since we had to take the mid-terms. So everybody went home…Except for me. I stayed there. I wasn't too sure about what just had happened. _Was Jessie done with Tiffany? Did he know what she was trying to do? Was he trying to avoid contact with her while I was around? Or, did he like me?_ So many questions were racing through my head. I wanted to know why Jessie pushed her away, and stomped off. And what was Tiffany saying to herself? I sat there for at least another hour, until Mrs. Larkin came out to home. School was closing.

"What are you still doing here?" She asked walking by me. I got up, grabbed my bag and followed her, "You upset about not taking the test?"

"Umm, yea." I said nodding. I didn't want to tell her that, I was shocked that a guy seemed like he liked me.

She stopped, "It's okay. You will still get to graduate and be out of school next year, just… Not as fast." She said stroking my shoulder, trying to comfort me. I nodded. She gave me one more reassuring smile before she turned around and left for the doors, "You better start heading home!" She yelled over her shoulder.

I looked up, "Oh, umm, yea." I looked at my watch, "Shit!" It was already 6 o' clock. My mom was not going to be happy.

* * *

I got to my front porch, and waited, staring at the door. It seemed quiet. I took another step forward. Still quiet. I decided it was safe enough. I opened the door. Making sure not to be loud, in case my mother was already asleep. I walked into the living room. All of the lights were off. I looked around. Still quiet. It was weird how quiet and still, my usually chaotic house was. I walked into the kitchen, expecting her to be there drunk, she wasn't. I opened the fridge and got a drink of milk from the carton. Expecting my mom to be there to yell at me when I closed the fridge. She wasn't. I was scared, scared of the silence. I wanted her to just pop out already and get it over with. The wait was tearing me apart. I walked into the living room one more time, just to make sure she wasn't hiding. She wasn't. I shrugged and walked up the stairs. I made sure to be extremely quiet. I got upstairs, and peeked into Lilly's room. She was there, sleeping. I smiled at how peaceful she was.

Then, I felt a hand on my arm, "Where… were… you." She took a breathe after every word, intimidating me.

"I-I was" I choked on my words.

"What?!" She raised her hand nd punched me in the face. I fell to the ground. When I looked up, she was closing Lilly's door. I knew something bad was going to happen.

She walked up to me and got straight in my face, "Get up, you worthless, piece of shit!" She grabbed my arm and pushed me into the wall. My back cracked against it.

I felt the sting immediately, "Mom, I was at school!"

"Why!? To get away from me!?" She charged at me, I could see her demented eyes. She grabbed my arm one more time, and I stepped to the side. She pushed me. I expected to crash into the wall, but I kept falling. By the time I looked back, I couldn't see anything. It was all a blur.

"Oh my god!" I heard Lilly scream from far away. It was dark. Was I dead? Next thing I heard was a siren.

"Hayden?" A strangers voice was asking. I opened my eyes, it was all blurred, I saw the mans face, but I couldn't tell who it was. It was too blurred. "It is going to be okay, we are going to make it better." I didn't know who this man was. Or why he was telling me everything was going to be okay. I tried to get up, but when I did there was a sharp pain that immediately jolted me back down. Everything went black again. The last thing I heard was than man yelling, "Oxygen!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Hayden?" It sounded like Lilly's voice, but when I opened my eyes it didn't look like Lilly. Her face was distorted and blurred out. I began blinking my eyes rapidly. Soon, Lilly's face processed right in my head.

I sat up, "Oh My God!" The pain in my head was horrible, I fell back into my pillow and began rubbing my temples. I looked up at Lilly, "Wh-What happened?"

She looked around frantic, making sure no one was there, "Mom," She said pointing at my mother sleeping in the old flower printed cot, "She, well- she pushed you down the stairs." She whispered, making sure none of the nurses that were walking by the door heard.

"What? What are you talking about," The pain in my head came back. I screamed.

"Careful! You need to relax!" She said, tying to hush me, looking over at mom, making sure she wasn't awake.

"What is wrong with my head!?"

The nurse walked in with medicine, "Good!" She said cheerfully, her smile made me think about when I was seven, "Well time for medicine." She said giving me the little paper cup with two pills in it. She looked at all the strange equipment surrounding me. She looked back at me once more, smiled and bounced off.

I put the pills on the table next to the bed, "What happened?" I asked sternly.

"When, mom pushed you down the stairs, you hit your head. Hard," She grabbed my arm, and it felt like my bones were breaking as we spoke. It was in a cast! How did I not notice this pain? "When you tried to catch yourself from falling, you snapped your arm, and you hit your head. When the ambulance got there, you weren't comprehending anything," She glanced over at mom, "Once they got you in the ambulance, after you passed out, I think it was the… Second time," She started counting on her fingers, "They found a blood clot in your head."

"What!?" I shot up.

"It's okay," She said putting her hand on my shoulder, trying to get me to lie back down, "They got it out, bu- but we didn't know if you would make it." She looked at the calendar and started nodding. I think she was counting, "It happened on Monday…" She said to herself. She looked back at me, "It is Thursday now! You have been asleep four days!" She hugged me, tightly. It hurt my arm, but I didn't care. After she told me what had happened, my memory slowly came back. Me sneaking in the house, my mom grabbing my arm, the cracking noise I heard when I hit the ground. I hugged Lilly back.

And cried in her arms, "It's okay. You are fine here, your safe." She said stroking my hair. I was scared. The violence had never gotten so bad in the house before. And I was afraid, that maybe it would get out of control, and then she would turn on… Lilly. Once that thought came to mind, I began crying harder, and my grip on her tightened.

She noticed that I was holding on tight and flinched, "What is wrong?" She asked concerned, still holding on to me though.

"Promise me! If this ever happens again! Anything like this, ever, you leave! Leave the house! And don't come back until I call you, and tell you that it is okay." I let go and looked into her eyes, "You promise?" I asked sternly.

"Yes, anything." She said nodding her head frantically. I felt relieved. I knew she was going to keep her promise. She always did. I sat back, and sighed. I looked over at my mom starting to move around a lot. _Was she waking up? _I didn't want to take any chances.

I looked at Lilly and shook my head, "I will see you when I wake up again," I said laughing. I grabbed the pills as Lilly handed me a paper cup full of water. I took the pills, and with each breath I took I got even more tired.


End file.
